Verizon

Dear Verizon,
Unlike the DMV you actually have some competition, so it is surprising that you are also so bad at what you do. I would like to write to you and explain why we (Sarah and I) will no longer be using you for our internet service. Reason one, the internet you provide sucks and comes and goes so frequently I am starting to think you just have somebody sitting next to a switch turning it on and off all day. Two, your customer service is awful, you makes us wait, do not understand our plain English, and are on occasion, very rude. Three, you forget to bill us on a frequent basis then send us a huge bill one month. Four, when we told you we were no longer using you because you lie to us (see reason five) and your service is bad, you had a computer call us to ask us why we were leaving (not even a real person). Five, you lie to us. Recently an elderly woman was so fed up with Comcast in DC that she took a hammer to their local office and started busting stuff up. Bravo. Stop spending so much money on bad commercials and actually run your business effectively.
Sincerely,
Publius

Get a tan!

I have nothing else to blog about today. So here is a picture of me with no tan and no muscles. Feel free to suggest a caption.

Cool New Product

Thought I would let you guys know about my friend Wren's new business venture. He is selling personalized toothpicks. They are toothpicks with phrases/fortunes on them, and you can have them customized. He created the technology and website. Maybe you will find a use for it at some personal/company event. They're definitely original. Check out his website.

Wyman Park

Dear Wyman Park,
You are such an awesome park. Quinn loves you. You have a babbling brook, trails galore, and lots of other dogs for Quinn to sniff. Wren and I once enjoyed geocashing in your woods and rarely are dead bodies found within your boundaries. It's awesome to have such a great dog park near my house. One question, why were you filled with army guys/gals with AK-47's yesterday?
Sincerley,
Pubs

Baltimore in NYT

Dear NYT,
Thanks for featuring my hood. While that is not the abandoned house next to my house, it's one that's on my block. I love how Baltimore always gets positive press: "The Wire," "The Corner," high murder rate, the O's stink.... People must really want to come visit!!!
Sincerely,
Pubs

Orioles

Dear Orioles,
You suck. This is ten years in a row of sucking. I feel really sorry for your marketing department. They have a hard sell. What slogan are you going to use next year? Hear are some suggestions: "Come watch us make it eleven in a row;" "Cal Ripken used to play for us;" "It could be worse;" "Lots of seats to choose from;" "Got money to burn? Come buy overpriced beers;" "You have a good chance of catching a ball, no-one else is around." And what happened to Jay, I used to be the most awesomest player in the world, then I sucked, then I got caught doing roids, but I'm still sexy, Gibbons???? He has fallen of the face of the earth. Hey if this baseball thing doesn't work out, male modeling might be an option.
Sincerely,
Publius
PS- feel free to suggest your own slogans for next years O's.

My new plates